Just like family
by KIRAJUDGESYOU
Summary: Akatsuki are not only S-ranked criminal organisation, but also a family, except a lot more dysfunctional. And evil. Rated T for Language and Violence.
1. Fun for all the family

Tobi woke up with a start. He had been having a nightmare in which Kisame and Zetsu kept taking bites out of him. Tobi hated being eaten, especially when alive. Tobi looked at his clock but couldn't see it because his mask had slipped so he wasn't looking out the eye-hole. "AARRGH! DEIDARA- SEMPAI I'M BLIIIND!"

"Ajdust you mask then you baka! It's only been 17 seconds since last time you started screaming about something! I'm gonna ask Leader-sama for a room change, yeah!"

"oh. Nighty-night Deidei-chan."

"WHAT!?"*snoresnoresnoresnore*

Deidara mumbled about how he was going to put an explosive in Tobi's eyehole, thenjust drifted off to sleep...

"MORNING GUYS! WAKEY_WAKEY LEADER-SAMA WANTS A MEETING IN 2 HOURS! WE BETTER BRUSH OUR TEETH!"

6 voices**(1)** started swearing profanely. "Katsu!" Tobi's mask blew off and he flew into the air screaming about how it hurt. Kakuzu tore into the hallway screaming "Those masks of Tobi's don't come free y'know! Guess who has to pay! ME!"

"**Someone is on his period. **_Hey, don't be sexist! I apologize for my behavior!"_

"oh great, the schizo is at it again."

"**Shut up Goldie!**_ I have to agree with me on that, be quiet please Kisame!"_

"Hn."

"Hey don't walk into a wall blindo."

"Tobi thinks Kisame-san is not being very nice!"

ALL: Shut up Tobi!"

"hey, fuckin' heathens whats all this bloody noise about, you fuckin' shit brains!"

"Oh great the zealot's here."

"shut the fuck up Fish-boy!"

A fight erupts between the akatsuki members, with Tobi runnig away from Hidan, who was screaming something to do with sacrifice, Deidara and Kakuzu Bunching each other rolling around and Kisame and Zetsu Biting each-other. Ahhhh.. what a peaceful morning...

My first fanfic! I hope it's alright!

**(1) **There is only 5 Characters not including Tobi, so Both Zetsus were shouting.


	2. Very Serious Meeting

"Leader-sama Tobi told all his friends about the meeting, so can Tobi sit next to you today?"

"Fine, since you ARE a good boy..."

"WAHAAA!"

"Can we just get this fuckin' meeting over with? I gotta pray!"

"Mr. Jehovas witness is right for once, why are we here?"

Pain looked around the room. "Why are Tobi and Konan the only ones not using a bunshin or puppet of some sort?"

"probably because there too busy Getting kakuzu to stich em all up after this mornings pile up."

"JUST GET ON WITH THE FUCKING MEETING EVEN CLONES CAN BE IMPATIENT!"

"Fine. We are here to..."

Tobi started making loud slurping noises sucking a lollipop, and rustling candy wrappers.

"**Tobi stop that now!**_ Please... Go on, Leader-sama."_

"The reason you are all her is beca..."

Sasori's puppet had started ratlling its mouth piece. Konan wedged a wad of paper in it's mouth and shooting laser beams at him, if that were possible.

" because someone has put up an offensive poster saying 'KonanXPein is a shit pairing'

The whole of akatsuki sweatdropped.

Itachi spoke up. " I put up a poster, but Deidara told me it said ItaSasu is a bad pairing, hn."

Kisame and Deidara started laughing their heads off. Hidan Laughed his head off literally, and complained about Kakuzu's shitty stitches.

"Tobi doesn't get it. What is 'shit', Deidara-sempai?"

The whole of akatsuki laughed till they fell over, except the serious group, and sasori's puppet, cos it's a puppet.

Pain sighed. Why did every meeting become a joke. Him and Konan were going to have to play a damn good game of scrabble to ease his mind.

* * *

**Well, there we go, two chapters in one night. Reviews and ideas would be appreciated, First one to guess who tobi is (phsically or mentally) will get to choose the next akatsuki member.**

**I do not own naruto.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own naruto, cause if I did, he would have a big sword.**

A kunai came whistling through the air and struck a long haired shinobi straight in the back of the neck. Instantly a certain pink haired kunoichi Sped to the scene healing the wound frantically. Luckily It hadn't been thrown at close range or it would have gone in much further. Sakura picked up the kunai and threw it as hard as she could, knowing that with lady stunade's training, it could nock a tree down. Slowly, Neji got to his feet rubbing the back of his neck, hating his blind spot.

"KATSU!"

"Shit!"

Neji, Sakura and Shikamaru scattered, regrouping again behind the safety of a large boulder.

"Shikamaru how the hell do we hit him from up there! If only someone like Tenten was here, then he'd be done for!"

"Our only option is to abort the mission and return with a bigger squad."

"Neji's right, I'm sorry Sakura but it's too difficult."

"DEIDARA-SEMPAI I'VE FOUND THEM!"

"KATSU!"

* * *

Back at the akatsuki base 2 hours later Pein was holding an emergency meeting. Tobi had been hoping it was a birthday party, they were super fun! But it was just a discussion about how they needed a new member since It turns out that just because Their an organization doesn't mean they can't recruit more members. They had decided to recruit 4 more members, to make 2 more teams.

For the first 3 they had decided on Hatake Kakashi, 'Sai', 'Yamato' and the 4th member had been undecided, as of yet. **-(since none of you will review!)-**

"Hey leader-sama, Tobi hopes we don't have to hurt them, Tobi hates hurting..."

"**Damn right, we'll hurt 'em!**_ Actually we'll try to avoid harming them. Kakashi and Yamato are highly respected in Konoha, and even for us the whole of Konoha would be a problem, especially Jiraiya and Tsunade. _**Don't ever make us talk that long again."**

"Tobi thinks that hurting them won't make of a difference. If Tobi got kidnapped Tobi is sure Deidara-sempai and Zetsu-san would try to get him back anyway, even if Tobi wanted to go."

"Dream on, yeah."

"**Why would I save you?**_Because he's our student?"_

"WAAAH! TOBI IS SO SAD! NO-ONE LOVES TOBIIII!"

So Tobi ran out the room crying, most of Akatsuki started looking at each-other, and the rest started laughing. Ahhh. A peaceful day in the Akatsuki Hideout.

**FIRST REVIEWER GETS TO CHOOSE THE OTHER MEMBER. OC'S ACCEPTED, BUT YOU WILL HAVE TO TELL ME ALL THEIR INFO. PLEASE REVIEW, AND DON'T WORRY TOBI HATERS, HE ISN'T IN MY NEXT CHAPTER.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I don't own naruto, cause if I did, he would have a big sword.**

"well...now that Tobi's out of action for a while, Sasori will be teaming up with deidara again."

" NO, YEAH!"

"Am I the only one that finds that slightly funny?" Kisame glanced around the room.

"I thought it was a little fuckin' funny..."

"hn."

"Youre point being, emoboy?"

"Yeah,that was slightly random, Yeah"

"SILENCE YOU FUCKING IMBECILES! I'M TRYING TO FUCKING GIVE YOU A MISSION!"

"Should Kami even be swearing?"

Pain screamed and pulled one of his peircings out, using it to batter Kisame.

"Hey fuckin' leader-sama, shark hunting is fuckin' illegal."

Deidara and Sasori chuckled quietly, earning them a 40 second paper gag from Konan. Kisame dropped to the floor, and Pain rammed his peircing into his nose again.

"well... as I was saying, your new mission is simply to kill Danzo, as he may be posing a threat to the Kyuubi, and a dead Jinchuuriki is of no use to Akatsuki. Itachi, when Kisame wakes up, tell him that your mission is to recruit any one of the new members we have decided on. Try to get Yamato first, as Kakashi may try to get him back, so we can kill 2 birds with one stone. Questions?"

"Yeah, yeah,"

"go on then Deidara. If it is about Sasori or Tobi then don't bother."

" Then forget it, yeah."

" ya know. That fuckin' retard really livens the place up. This meeting sucked without him, even if he does piss me off loads, and ask if Jashin would like to play with him."

"hn."

Kisame, who had finally recovered from his bludgeoning stood up and said "Ohhh... Faggott-boy has a friend..."

"I hope Tobi doesn't feel too bad. He's probably my best friend..."

Most of Akatsuki started to look a bit guilty for upsetting Tobi, but they still kinda found it funny how he'd ran off crying. And hadn't come back since. And could be hanging from a rope right this second...

All: AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH! I''MMMM 'Fuckin' SOOORRRYYYY! 'Yeah'

**Sorry it took a while, I thank all my reviewers, although none of them chose a character, and I'm desperate. Please read this before reviewing, because there may be a little contest going. That's pretty much all I've got today, But I am considering starting on another one.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't own naruto, cause if I did, he would have a big sword.**

Tobi was running away from the Akatsuki base, which was in the desert, with nothing but a stick with a spotted hanker-chief tied to it. This hanker-chief contained 50p of pocket money from Leader-sama, A backup mask and a bag of sweets. He was crying, and tripped up every now and then( which should be impossible because it's a desert), getting sand in his mask, which he somehow brushed out without opening his mask. Slowly he made his way through the desert towards a hidden village...

"Tobiii! Where are you, yeah?"

Deidara glanced at Konan. " Stop looking at me, Deidara. You're making me uneasy."

"sorry, I was just wondering why Kisame isn't helping. He liked Tobi a bit, yeah?"

" It's because he is a fish, and he'd dry out if he walked out of the base."

"Fuckin' bullshit! Kisame can fuckin' help too! I feel like I'm gonna fuckin' die of thirst!

" You can't die, yeah?"

" Shut the fuck up, gayboy!"

Tobi made his way towards the gates of the hidden village( Hah no names!), when the small side door smashed open, batting Tobi off into the distance, which made a small ping noise, followed by Tobi shouting about he was blasting off agaaaiiiinnnn! He landed right on top of a certain Grey haired Jounin, causing the man to drop his book(CoughpornCough).

"SHARINGAN!"

"SHARINGAN!"

"Hang on, you have it too? Are you Itachi? You seem to be from Akatsuki, what is your business with us!" Kakashi signaled for Naruto to lie, down, making his orange suit blend with the yellowish sand.

"KAKASHIIII-SAN!" Tobi did a fake cough. "I meant, Stranger-san!"

"You haven't answered my question."

"Tobi is here to..." '_I'm running away, but maybe I can recruit him since he's my best buddy...' _Tobi started to remove his mask, when Yamato and Sai arrived on the back of one of Sai's doodles.

"Kakashi! Akatsuki! What is that guy doing here?"

Tobi removed his mask altogether, showing that half his face was damaged, and that on the undamaged side was no eye. Kakashi ran up to Obito and shook him shouting that it was a genjutsu. Tobito(:D) just took it, and stood there while Kakashi Punched him in the face.

"Ka – Kakashi... It's re – really – me..."

Naruto, Sai and Yamato adopted fighting stances, And Yamato asked Tobito what he wanted. Tobi just said " I want You, Sai and Kakashi to join me... in Akatsuki..." Kakashi had taken a couple of steps back and fallen over. " I – I want to join you, Obito. But please, don't touch Naruto..."

" Don't worry. Tobito is a good boy!"

"Tobito?"

" Hai, Kakashi-sempai, Tobito once was called Tobi, but before that, Tobi was Obito, So now Tobito is Tobito!"

Tobito replaced his mask. Yamato turned to him. "If you and Kakashi are mebers of Akatsuki, I will have to kill you."

" It's OK! Tobito knows Madara, who is secret leader of Akatsuki. Tobito will tell him to change Akatsuki's goal. We will still be hired Mercanaries, though."

" Very well. I will ask The Hokage if I can join Akatsuki, IF You agree to help destroy Danzo. That way Sai will be free too."

" Tobito will ask Deidara-sempai to blow up his house!"

" Hey, Kakashi, Aren't you forgetting someone? How the hell Am I go on missions with no teammates?" Naruto called out from behind a large rock.

"Think of it as training. Now that you have sage chakra, you could easily become a captain now anyway."

"Fine. I'm used to Teammates deserting me now anyway. Don't think I'll chase you like I did Sasuke. I won't even chase him now, He has caused too much pain."

And so Kakashi, Obito and Yamato left, leaving Sai to go back to Konahogakure with Naruto...

**my most Intense chapter yet! My internet was down, so I had a lot of time to kill. Please can someone choose a character before I get bored of this and end it quicker than I should. Remember, you get to choose even if you only review. Is it that hard? People have reviewed and not even chosen! Yeesh! I know this doesn't fit in with the story, but it is a fanFICTION.**

**No flames please.**


	6. A trip to Iwa

**I don't own Naruto, Kishimoto does.**

Naruto and Sai were on their way back from the encounter with 'Tobito' when Sai realized that someone was following them. He glanced at Naruto, and Naruto nodded, signaling that he knew too. They continued walking, when Sai and Naruto both jumped backwards. Naruto readied a Rasengan, and Sai quickly drew a bulldog, using a jutsu to make it real. Sai's bulldog latched on their attackers leg and naruto slammed the Rasengan into it's chest. The impact ripped the robe the nin was wearing and threw them back couple of meters. Naruto realised that was just a boy of no older than 13 had been attacking him. Naruto could see his ninja band on the back of his gloves, revealing that he was an Iwa nin. Sai took out a Kunai, ready to kill when Naruto stopped him. Naruto had expected the attacker to be Kanuto, who wore a similar cloak occasionly. Naruto growled at Sai. "We can't kill him for not doing anything to us, we don't know why he was tailing us."

"Konoha and Iwa are on bad terms lately, and you can tell that if any more of Konoha's great ninjas die they **will** attack the village."

"That doesn't mean we can slaughter any kid who happens to be walking the same way as us and presume he was going to kill us!"

The kid in question started to stir and rubbed his stomach, coughing up a little blood. Naruto pushed himd own, bared his slightly-sharper-than-normal teeth and growled at the kid. "Why were you following us, Brat?"

"I – I thought you w-were my teammates. I couldn't see you clearly... Failed important mission... Sensei is d-dead!" The kid put his head in his knees and started to sob. Naruto got up and looked at Sai. "We should take him to his village. It isn't far from here."

"He will be an un-necessary burden. If you want to help him, I will not follow him. You're holding me back anyway. I'm surprised they didn't teach you to run using chakra, and your stealth skills suck. On top of that, you haven't got the balls to even try and learn chakra control."

"Gee, Sai, that really helps, thanks. Not that you get the concept of sarcasm anyway."

So Naruto heaved the kid onto his shoulder and headed in the direction of Iwagakure to return the kid to his village.

* * *

**I know, short chapter, but I had to set the scene for a reason for Naruto to go to Iwa.**

**Read and review!**


	7. AntiAkatsuki

Sai was returning from his mission. Naruto had left an hour ago to take some genin to Iwa. At 10 he set up his tent and went to sleep for the night. As Sai slept, a hand pushed into the tent silently. That hand was closely followed by an eye. The assassin almost laughed as he took out his katana. A member of Akatsuki, harmless in bed. The man bought his katana down, cleaving off Sai's head. The assassin grinned as a dark liquid began seeping through the tent. He was about to clean his weapon when it caught the light. The man gasped. It was covered in ink, not blood. As the man poised to run, another katana was pressed to his neck.

"Kill me then, Bastard!"

"Who sent you?"

"I'll die before you know!"

Sai pressed his knee into the mans back, pushing his neck against the blade. Blood oozed out from the thin cut. The man realized that he was going to either confess, or die fighting. Judging by the boy's willingness to kill him, he guessed that even confessing wouldn't save him. The man bought his head forwards, crying "DEATH TO AKATSUKIIIII!" before lopping his head clean off. Sai was startled. He had never seen someone kill themselves, and he hadn't intended on it. Blood trickled out of the mans neck, staining Sai's clothes red. Sai released his hold on the dead man's body and let it fall to the ground...

Sai disposed of the inky tent, and slept up in the reaches of a high tree, as he had been trained to do on espionage missions.

Come morning, Naruto had gotten back, and seemed to be mourning for Sai. Sai jumped out of the tree, making Naruto look up.

"KYAAAAA! A GHOST!"

"I'm not dead, dickless."

"The spirits are tormenting meeeee..."

"I'm **not **dead, no-twig."

"How can you be alive, your body is right there..."

Sai Sai'd**(Sighed)** "That was my assailant, he tried to kill me. His head is over there, in that bush."

Naruto shuddered. He decided to go through the dead man's possessions, because he was running low on shuriken. Naruto tipped out the contents, and took some sealing scrolls, a katana, some kunai, some shuriken, some bento and some sake. Naruto drunk the sake, ate the bento, broke the katana, lost the shuriken and the kunai were taken by squirrels, who proceeded to have hilarious ninja squirrel fights. Naruto through the bag away, grumbling about the lost weapons, and so failed to notice that he had left a picture at the forest. The picture displayed three genin and a jonin with a katana. Above each person was their name, and above that was their team. Anti-Akatsuki. One of the genin was named Kagemaru. Little did Naruto know, Kagemaru had simply separated Naruto and Sai to give the dead Jounin sensei a chance...

Anti-Akatsuki. The second largest squad devoted to destroying Akatsuki, had managed to find out about the new recruits before they even joined. At the Akatsuki base a Man was doing the evil laugh. Oh yes. The one that goes: **MWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!**

"Those fools. Anti-Akatsuki pays much better than that bastard 'kami'. Perhaps I should poison him, or maybe I'll blow him up, or even put him into a never-ending genjutsu..."

**Yay! The traitor could be almost any of the akatsuki members, See if you can figure it out. I have now decided AGAINST  letting the new four members join., but they will at times, be helping out Akatsuki. **


End file.
